Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
