I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
