my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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