I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
