So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
