BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
