Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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