I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
