Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
