this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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