...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
