You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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