nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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