I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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