maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
