okay pat passed out under dana's car
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
