do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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