I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
