I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
