he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
