upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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