i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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