I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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