I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
