Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Shame is for Republicans.
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