I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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