JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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