wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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