If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
