we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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