I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
