it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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