Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
