Everything about him screamed your future.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
