Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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