yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
