WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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