I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
