oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
