He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
