So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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