Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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