WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
