my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you will always have a special place in my vag
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
