he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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