Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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