Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize