We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
