i love accidental penises.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
