look no pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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