You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
