I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
