my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
