so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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