UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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