I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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