Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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