Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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