I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
