when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
