i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
