im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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