im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
