I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
